Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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