Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
