hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
