Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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