I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
FUCK WHALES
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