I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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