Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
