We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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