I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
