He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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