how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
