Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
