If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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