My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
