you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
