im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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