Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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