She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
