I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
