Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
