We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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