Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
