im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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