??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
