Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
