dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
