Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
