So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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