How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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