We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
