Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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