i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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