We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
NoShamevember. You game?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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