He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
