I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
