its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
