I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
