then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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