I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
