Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
