we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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