I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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