My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
