i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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