1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
