That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it because I queefed?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
