Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
