Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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