I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I believe in your delicious
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
