OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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