But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
